One of the most important jobs of a best man (apart from organising a raucous buck’s night), is the best man’s speech. You may think you’re Eddie Murphy, but this isn’t the Edinburgh Comedy Festival, this is a wedding. You might have a great story about the groom that involves strippers, jelly wresting and Starburst lollies, but it’s probably best to save those yarns for the next boys’ night out.

Here are some best man speech dos and don’ts:

Don’t get plastered. Yes, we know a wedding usually means free drinks (and let’s face it, that’s the main reason some guests attend), and it almost seems un-Australian not to overindulge on free grog, but if you must get smashed, hold off until after your speech. No one wants to see a half-cut best man with several of his buttons undone stammering incoherently and leering at the bride’s sister. Sure, have a few ales beforehand to calm the nerves, then you can empty the bar once the speech is over

Don’t steal the show. The best man’s speech is not a platform to launch a career as a stand-up comedian. You’ll just get eye-rolls and impatient shuffling. Say a few jokes, toast the groom and flatter the bridesmaids, even if their dresses do look hideous. Then sit the hell down. No one actually likes listening to speeches!

Don’t mention the buck’s night. The bride’s mother probably thinks the boys got together for a few quiet drinks around a campfire. Don’t shatter her idealised perception of the groom by regaling guests with the infamous jelly wrestling story. What happens on the buck’s night bloody well stays there.